a bunnified adventure!

when gsus and i took our trip to vancouver island in august he surprised me with a special treat. bunnies!! oH mY. i do love bunnies. i am, however, for some mysterious reason, highly allergic to bunnies. i would have never known this had not mama-j and her lovely husband adopted the cutest bunny, willoughbee, and let him loose in their house. whenever i went over, i couldn't help myself -petting him was too much of a temptation. but man, did i get ever get a sniffly sneezy goo eyed reaction from the whole affair. sadly, i ended up having to restrain myself on future visits, and he wasn't as free to roam when i was around. what a cutester he was.

this post is dedicated to him and all freedom lovin' bunnies in the world.
rip dear willoughbee.

your friend always,
akula

"being human requires the authoring of one's life, of one's life story. having a coherent, functional sense of one's self requires ongoing, active engagement in this authoring process"

just something i read this morning for a paper i have to write. it struck a chord.

in my recent past i have pretty much let life happen to me. sometimes (often?) i took on this role of victim, feeling overly sorry for myself when things weren't going as i hoped, as i dreamed they might. and many times that i knew what i was doing - i understood that my attitude was my biggest obstacle to reaching my dreams. i just didn't have a clue what to do to change it.

i was not taking responsibility for my own life story.

and even now, this instant...i feel like i may be failing some part of myself. because i can't get across what i want to say..not the way other people can...because i can't paint the image i see...not the way others know how...and i drive myself away. i want to end the words and start over.

but ok.
i can. here i am with another chance to begin.

your friend always,
akula

an affair to remember

i should be reading. reading and/or writing. i should be, but i'm not. because since school began i haven't had a chance to upload some of the photos that gsus and i took while we were out west in august. so i dived into the process of doing that today...it's a little excruciating to have 300 photographs to look through. at first, i wanted to run through them quickly, to weed out the crappy shots, the doubles, the ones that were taken accidentally (though i've kept some of those) to rotate the bloody things (oh the tallness of trees, darn it)! ugh...i can whine for an hour about how trying to get around the tediousness of rotating images ate up two hours (past midnight) of my life this weekend (only to end up right where i began...rotating them myself)!

but in rushing through the photos, all i wanted to do was take my time with so many of them. our trip was full of breathtaking and awesome moments. and while no photograph can truly capture the essence of being in the rain forest, or among our old growth friends....they do offer a glimpse, another chance to remember what we saw, and act as a reminder that places exist which speak to our true nature, to our inner most excitement and joy.

your friend always,
akula

i think she's back. for now.

art in the gardens

i have an assignment. i have to choose a place that would be suitable to take an intermediate art class for an afternoon...or a daytrip. i chose the royal botanical gardens just outside toronto. this was a purely selfish decision on my part, and now i have to find a way to sell the idea to my prof. not that the trip wouldn't be interesting for students..it's just that i can imagine them maybe snickering at a sculpture like this, or worse...getting lost in the labyrinth. i'm not sure this is the right place to take an intermediate class (12 to 15 yr olds)...senior students, sure. i don't know anything about organizing field trips. i just followed my gut and it led me to the gardens. i'll just make it work.

isn't this sculpture lovely?

by the way, i'm on the hunt for a decent name. i don't know what to sign off with. i was akula (but now that i ended that blog, it seems unfitting), and i'd prefer not to use my real name. *mo is a temporary placeholder because i can't come up with something more creative. anyway...i'm not terribly concerned or anything. really, i do have other things to spend time thinking about!

your friend always,
*mo

7 out of 8 people think this is ugly*

the fence was gone the day after i posted my entry. it's been replaced with a standard issue rental fence. no cool factor about it - it's blue and metal and cagey looking. the one they took down, this one, is probably piled up in some lonely corner on the site....awaiting it's transport to the dump. i'm really glad i got the pix that i did. now i wish i took more!

so it's nearing the end of september (seriously?) and i'm in the third week of my master's program. it's all still a little vague. so far i've been doing a ton of reading. last week i was neck deep in a language i don't understand...(oh, maybe you're thinking...latin...spanish...japanese!)

oh no. statistics! yes. after thirty years of getting by without an iota of knowledge on the topic, i was introduced to the concept of statistical analysis in one very poorly written chapter in my textbook on educational research. i emerged feeling defeated and a little weary. upon requesting the assistance of my scientifically gifted other half (who i assumed would "get" what they were illustrating) i felt better. he had never seen a "stem-and-leaf display" either (this is when you plot your numbers (which they called 'leaves') on a graph, (which i think was the stem). what?!
i think the most it had going for itself was aesthetic interest!

your friend always,
*mo

*numbers may have been completely invented to suit the nature of this entry.

the barns (but no chickens)

i'm loving the colours and textures of this fence. it's long & surrounds a progressing development in my neighbourhood called the green arts barns - which is going to be a pretty fantastic environment when it's all finished. the whole thing is a conversion of old, unused ttc "barns" (ttc, for those not in the loop, stands for toronto transit commission) - this is where the ttc housed streetcars & buses - those that needed repair and those that were being tested for safety, or some such reasons.

i guess the space sat unused for a long time once it was no longer needed. so, artscape bought the land and the buildings, and are now turning everything into a magnificent cultural space! they've retained the old structures (catherdral like heights!) and are transforming them into spaces for independent artist studios and for non-profit organizations. i think the very popular "toronto school of art" is going to have a satellite space for classes. to top it off, there's going to be a massive greenhouse, and who knows what else!

i've been living in this neighbourhood for eight years, and the worst thing is that while the barns are coming in, i'm itching to leave, to live and be inspired in a new place. who knows, we might be on our way out just as this fence is coming down.

i'm already feeling a pang of regret.

your friend always,
*mo

nb. just noticed that the old name of the project, green arts barns, has been changed to artscape wychwood barns... which reflects the name of the neighbourhood they are in, and of course, the company that put up the bill$ to renovate!

not on any other day

this pic was taken a few weeks ago in my neighbourhood. i just took my camera with me up and down some streets, trying to find what i could find. i found myself looking at things i tend not to really notice on any other day. it was nice to not to have a destination, and just go wherever i felt compelled to wander. we're always running here and there, trying to catch up with time. i think that sometimes it's necessary to pause, reflect, and allow time to catch up with us.

your friend always,
*mo

what kinda tea do you want?

it's days like today that i'm walking around & i catch my reflection and wonder where it is i'm going.
it's days like today that don't tell me much about tomorrow.
it's days like today that go by and i will likely never be able to recollect what i did, where i went, what i was wearing, the words i said and to whom i said them.

unless i write today down.

funny, isn't it? if i do that, if i write it down, even in a few words, i will likely be able to conjure up this day in some form. maybe always.

here it goes:
navy slim pants and bulky joe fresh top, morning french vanilla coffee, GA meeting, noticing his art, class, ate my grapes, choked back tears (in class), spoke in class, left class and caught the bus home. parked my bike and asked my neighbour about the case of the mysterious kitty disappearance. creamy avocado and emmantel cheese sandwich, escaped to the mall only to catch many reflections of a woman and not much else, and came home disappointed because of the time i wasted. lovely dutch inspired cookery for dinner, insane credit card payment and now this.

do i really need to remember? i guess i thought i'd try.

your friend always,
*mo

dear doctor

i've had this painting on file for quite a while now. it's by ben vandyk, a long time friend of gsus' from way back in the day. ben helped me out a few years back (maybe more like four) when i needed some work to 'curate' for a class assignment. i've used the word curate because it sounds important. in fact, i'd peg the whole thing as a more adult version of show and tell since the audience was made up my peers from class and the two profs who dreamed up the whole idea.

however, i did make some cube shaped fliers advertising my "show" which seemed to blow away the profs. because they were three - D! haha. seriously!

anyway. i love this painting (especially how now it means something new to me), and i have other examples of his amazing work which i will put up slowly. unfortunately, we haven't been in touch with ben for a while, and i'm not even sure whether he has a website. but if and when i do find one, i will make sure to link to it here.

this was my first serious post on my blog.
dear doctor...thanks for going to school for so long and knowing what to do. but next time, please don't make me sign waivers while i'm doped up on morphine. it just doesn't seem ethical.

your friend always,
*mo

वेल्कोमे तो माय न्यू होम
(welcome to my new home)
i hope you enjoy your time here. thanks so much for stopping by.